Broken isn’t Shattered

Today I am 30 years sober.

That seems completely impossible since I only feel about 30 years old inside my head but in truth I’m 52 years old inside and out.

A friend of mine used to say you had to be pretty damn sick to get sober right before the holidays (she had done the same thing) and some years I know she was absolutely right.

I’m grateful for my life today.  I’m grateful for my family and friends who are shining miracles of light and love and absolute saints for putting up with me.  I’m grateful for all the amazing people who walk through this life with such courage and joy showing me how it’s done.  I’m grateful for the people who walk through it all with me as we find our way together.

I’ve been struggling with some broken heartedness recently.  A dear friend is in a brutal battle with cancer and despair is lurking around every corner of my heart.  She’s fierce as shit so I’m trying to be too.  I can’t afford despair and she deserves much better than that from me.  So today I’m taking it heartbeat to heartbeat and I’m leaning on the warrior women in my life so I can send all our love and magic and support to my friend.  Staying out of the future, even the future of later today.  Right here, right now…making sure that my cracked heart is letting the light out, not letting the darkness in.  Because broken isn’t shattered.



Filed under Essays - Non-Fiction

10 Responses to Broken isn’t Shattered

  1. melody moore

    So sorry to hear about your friend T. The movie Finding Nemo had come out shortly before Richards death, my mantra became…”Just keep swimming , swimming, swimming”
    I hope I am counted as one of your Warrior Women..and send my love and strength to you and your friend. And keep swimming.

  2. Tammy

    Much love to you now and always. As usual, beautifully written and heartfelt. Happy, happy, joy, joy!

  3. Patricia

    Aww, sweet girl. I’m sorry for your friend but I’m sure it’s a comfort having you to lean on. I’m here whenever you need an ear. Love you madly.

  4. Sienna

    I love you! That is all.

  5. Oh my beautiful friend- you taught me how to see “how much room there actually is in ones heart; to feel so much sadness and so much joy.” Those words comforted me and gave me shelter- because I realized just how deeply I could love. Remember your words for you right now. And my goodness lady, how I love you! So grateful for your 30 years of grace.